A Uniquely Cincinnati Alternate Use Case

April 23, 2009
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The Spring of 2009 In Cincinnati..in one picture.

The Spring of 2009 In Cincinnati..in one picture.

Is the Alternate Flow a candidate for it’s own Use Case, or a legitimate Alternate Flow?

Use Case: Apply Tissue to Face
Author: Crazy Clifford
Date: 4/13/2009

Description: Cincinnati is a fun town, no doubt. But every year the transition from winter to summer is usually depressing and treacherous. This year, I want to find the gopher who saw his own shadow and rip his head off (just kidding, PETA). We had frost this morning. It’s almost May! People with allergies wander around looking ready to kill everyone they see, their faces puffy, eyes bulging, like some sort of zombie horror film. I don’t have allergies, or I should say I’m not a “professional allergy sufferer,” but will still get a headache if I move around too much on a given day. In this picture, I am suffering from your standard Cincinnati cold with a fever. Our reward for our suffering? It will be 85 on Sunday. Does that sound like an appropriate spring temperature to you? From 30 to 85. From snow to baking in the sun. I think it’s time to move.

Pre-conditions:

  1. User’s sinuses are essentially broken. Typical functions of the nose, such as smelling

The Spring of 2009 In Cincinnati..in one picture.

The Spring of 2009 In Cincinnati..in one picture.

Is the Alternate Flow a candidate for it’s own Use Case, or a legitimate Alternate Flow?

Use Case: Apply Tissue to Face
Author: Crazy Clifford
Date: 4/13/2009

Description: Cincinnati is a fun town, no doubt. But every year the transition from winter to summer is usually depressing and treacherous. This year, I want to find the gopher who saw his own shadow and rip his head off (just kidding, PETA). We had frost this morning. It’s almost May! People with allergies wander around looking ready to kill everyone they see, their faces puffy, eyes bulging, like some sort of zombie horror film. I don’t have allergies, or I should say I’m not a “professional allergy sufferer,” but will still get a headache if I move around too much on a given day. In this picture, I am suffering from your standard Cincinnati cold with a fever. Our reward for our suffering? It will be 85 on Sunday. Does that sound like an appropriate spring temperature to you? From 30 to 85. From snow to baking in the sun. I think it’s time to move.

Pre-conditions:

  1. User’s sinuses are essentially broken. Typical functions of the nose, such as smelling and giving your face character are not operational.
  2. User has access to tissues.

Post-conditions:

  1. User’s nose is clean.
  2. User is free to pursue normal activities.
  3. Tissue is dirty.

Normal flow:

  1. User selects a tissue.
  2. User applies tissue to nose.
  3. Tissue intercepts moco – this is what my gf from Peru calls “mucus” and I think it is a much more palatable palabra (Spanish for “word”, needed it for the alliteration)
  4. Use case repeats ad nauseum from Step 2

Error Conditions
Tissue breaks (or becomes overly-saturated) at Step 2.

  1. Tissue displays an error…I mean a rip or tear in the fabric
  2. User discards tissue, unfortunately most likely on the floor next to the couch or bed

Alternate flow (branch at Step 2):

  1. User jams equal parts of the ends of the tissue as far up into nostrils as possible
  2. Tissue intercepts moco continuously

Business Rules

  1. Tissues must be of exceptional quality, especially when utilizing the Alternate flow. If you must use toilet tissue, Cottonelle is a must.

Notes
Alternate flow generally results in higher productivity.
Alternate flow requires the additional pre-condition that User’s father (because what mother would do this?!) bestowed upon him this technique at an early age.
The phrase “Alternate flow” is this instance, is an ironic pun of sorts.