5 Ways Cloud ‘Supercharges’ Enterprise Initiatives

Evil Cloud Salesman: Our product offers a multi-tier, highly extendable, hot pluggable service layer, embodying a loosely coupled cloud enabled, customer facing user experience.

Query: Do you understand what he’s on a about Spid?

Spid: It is exceedingly hard to find any logic in his words captain.

ECS: Out product delivers a scaleable enterprise service bus, captain you ship is called the Enterprise, surely our product must be right for you?

Query: The Enterprise is not a bus, it’s a starship.

ECS (Smiling superciliously): I know that captain, our enterprise service bus allows you to seamlessly deliver data to any part of your starship, or indeed the whole federation!

Query: Spid, do we need this stuff?

Spid: The Federation’s quantum relational DBMS ensures that all data is simultaneously available immediately at all places in the universe. The methods this alien propose would involve duplicating data, duplicating data can lead to inconsistencies, and inconsistencies are illogical captain.

ECS: But our product is fully XXXML enabled!

Query: WTF is XXXML, Spid?

Spid: The Ramwlans used it to implement their cloaking device sir. A single burst can block the entire network of an attacking ship making their sensors useless and effectively rendering the Ramwlans ship invisible.

Unfortunately an unattended cartesian product generating XXXML on a Ramwlan server consumed the entire bandwidth of the Ramwlan empire causing the collapse of their, and several neighboring, civilizations.

Query: Sounds dangerous Spid.

Spid: Indeed captain, some people have referred to it as a data management doomsday weapon.

ECS (getting increasingly desperate): Our product is a remotely hosted, high availability, web enabled, granular system architecture; it’s a whole new paradigm, gentlemen!

Query: (flipping open his communicator to talk to the ship’s engineer): Beam me up Scsi, there’s no intelligent life down here.