Quick, Invest in This CBIMBDMLAAS Company!

May 9, 2014
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Analytics Matters
Did I get your attention? Good! I know that CBIMBDMLAAS is a mouthful, but I am confident that I will be able to round up some funding pretty easily for my new company that will be focused on the CBIMBDMLAAS space. Before I reveal the exciting focus of this investment friendly business idea, let me digress a bit.

Analytics Matters
Did I get your attention? Good! I know that CBIMBDMLAAS is a mouthful, but I am confident that I will be able to round up some funding pretty easily for my new company that will be focused on the CBIMBDMLAAS space. Before I reveal the exciting focus of this investment friendly business idea, let me digress a bit.

We are living in a period where certain buzz words are repeated again and again. While there are always buzz words being repeated at any point in time, it seems that there are more buzz words active today than usual. Companies, from startups to well-known technology behemoths, are falling all over themselves to make sure that everyone knows they are a player in some of the spaces covered by the most popular buzz words.

The valuations being placed on many small companies built around buzz words today seem way out of whack. Companies that are bleeding money in a crowded field are getting not just one, but often several, rounds of funding. In addition, the valuations being placed on these companies during fundraising or when they are acquired looks outlandish by any measure except perhaps when compared to the heydays of the Internet boom.

So just what is this CBIMBDMLAAS tongue twister and why is it interesting? The new company will be focused on Cloud-Based In-Memory Big Data Machine Learning Analytics as a Service (CBIMBDMLAAS). I challenge readers to find another premise to build a business around that captures as many of the hot trends in the market today as that term does. Just being able to say that mouthful with a straight face is almost certainly worth a first round of funding in the low millions of dollars today as long as even a cursory business plan and light prototype is used to support it. I will have those soon (I promise), but I need your money first to develop the idea further.

If you hurry and contact me in the next seven days, you can put money in early while the company valuation is still just under $100 million. That will be a huge bargain in a few quarters when the valuation shoots up tenfold as the first versions of the product win a few customers! Of course, we’ll have to lose money on those initial customers even as we continue to spend heavily to build the products. That’s ok, however, because it will provide you with the opportunity to put in even more money to help us ride out the losses until the valuation gets even higher. Slots are limited and it is first come, first serve so act quickly. You’ll kick yourself for missing this opportunity later.

Just in case anyone is ready to pull out their checkbook, I need to make sure that you are aware that I am not actually starting a CBIMBDMLAAS company. However, I honestly think that if I did start one, I would get funding easily. There are certainly some amazing new possibilities that big data, the cloud, and analytics combine to provide us. However, we need the market to settle down and pursue those opportunities rationally. Buzz words don’t make a profit and having a plan on paper isn’t the same as having a product in hand.

I congratulate those who have been able to cash in on recent trends by starting and selling a buzzword focused company for big bucks. However, the current state of things can’t and won’t continue forever because history has proven to us that such things never do. Perhaps some of the current wave of startups will beat the buzzer and cash out, but I suspect that there will be many without a chair when the music stops. Additionally, companies that pay the exorbitant prices to provide a chair today may just realize their error in paying so much for so little.

With all that said, I still can’t help but wonder what would happen if I did start my CBIMBDMLAAS company…